All White Basketball Teams Coming to a Southern Town Near You

Sometimes a story comes along that contains such overtly racist remarks that are so darned over the top that to try and rewrite it to fit within a satirical framework would do a great injustice to the story itself. This is such a story. Every name, every quote is real, and I repeat, this is not Satire. However, I also want to point out that as racist as this story comes across, it appears to be a sad attempt by a sad boxing promoter to grab some attention for his flagging basketball franchise business at the expense of black basketball players everywhere.

The story comes to us from Augusta, Georgia and the caption reads “Basketball league for white Americans targets Augusta.” Now in all fairness, before I go on, let me just say that Augusta Mayor, Deke Copenhaver, is not behind this idea and finds it absurd. Nevertheless, here’s what was proposed to Augusta by a group that calls itself the “All American Basketball Alliance.

I’m just going to let the quotes speak for themselves:

According to Don “Moose” Lewis, commissioner of the All American Basketball Alliance, they plan on starting their inaugural season in June and Lewis is hoping Augusta will be one of the 12 inaugural teams. Said Lewis: “Only players that are natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league."

Claiming the move is not racist, Moose went on to state: "There's nothing hatred about what we're doing," he said. "I don't hate anyone of color. But people of white, American-born citizens are in the minority now. Here's a league for white players to play fundamental basketball, which they like." Lewis said he wants to emphasize fundamental basketball instead of "street-ball" played by "people of color."

"Would you want to go to the game and worry about a player flipping you off or attacking you in the stands or grabbing their crotch?" he (head redneck) said. "That's the culture today, and in a free country we should have the right to move ourselves in a better direction."

Although Lewis hasn’t yet found a city willing to buy one of his franchises for $10,000 (thank goodness), he is optimistic. "People will come out and support a product they can identify with. I'm the spoken minority right now, but if people will give us a chance, it'll work... The white game of basketball, which is essentially a fundamental game, works."

There’s only one way to finish up this article and that’s by stating the obvious, that Don “Moose” Lewis has more than a couple of screws loose. Oh, and for good measure, let’s throw in a complimentary redneck joke:

You know you’re a redneck if you think starting an all white, all American basketball league is an idea whose time has come no matter how many black boxers you manage.

Miley Cyrus and Nick Jonas - Tween Postings

NICK JONAS DUBBED TIGER WOODS OF THE DISNEY TWEEN SCENE

What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Nick Jonas? Tiger Woods was married when he “dated” all those other girls. Nick Jonas on the other hand, is quickly approaching Woods as one of the most prolific daters on the Hollywood scene and he seems to prefer Disney dolls to Nickelodeon hotties, although he hasn’t ruled the latter out.

Said Jonas’ manager, “he’s dated so many Disney stars that I just gave up trying to count them. The gossip-istas have him dating Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Jordan Pruitt and a couple others, but those are the stars. Hell, it’s not uncommon to see Jonas making time with the girl that gets him coffee in the morning or any one of the producers’ teen daughters that accompany their parents onto the sets. He may look innocent enough, but man is he a horn dog.” Sources tell us that even a severe talking to by Billy Ray Cyrus last year wasn’t enough to keep Jonas from trying to “board the Bonetown Express” as he put it, on a daily basis.


MILEY CYRUS DITCHING HANNAH MONTANA

All over the world, Tweens and Teens alike are clutching their Hannah Montana throw pillows and sobbing uncontrollably that their favorite television personality, Hannah Montana, is gearing up to shoot the last season of the Hannah Montana show.

According to a spokesperson for Disney Channel Worldwide, “the last episode will be bittersweet as we say good-bye to our little Miss Montana.” But one has to wonder if Disney’s explanation that “Miley just wants to grow up and move on,” is the real reason execs have decided to pull the plug on one of the hottest Tween shows to hit the airwaves since “Saved By the Bell.”

Well, we’ve been talking to a few of Cyrus’ friends behind the scenes and a completely different story is emerging as to why Hannah Montana is leaving the airwaves. Seems Cyrus is not the “teen role model” the Disney Channel first saw in her and in fact, she’s become quite the vamp. Disney wants to cut and run before that “inevitable biggest scandal of all hits” and destroys what credibility the show has left. “Sure, they were loving her when she’s all sweet and innocent, but man o’ man, did the s**t hit the fan when they found me and Miley out in the back lot getting it on,” said an undisclosed band member Miley met this past summer. “They did everything but turn the hose on us,” he said.

Said one Disney executive, on the condition of anonymity, “Look, everyone grows up. In the case of Miley Cyrus, she just grew up too fast and we were starting to think that in another season or two, we’d be faced with fans laughing at us for having a show about the youngest ‘cougar’ to ever grace the Disney airwaves.”

Oh what will those little school boys do now without their Miley strutting her stuff on screen in those cute little parochial get ups? Well, fear not, a little unknown by the name of Bridgit Mendler is set to take the next Disney wave to stardom in a new show titled “Good Luck Charlie,” a sitcom that has adorable Mendler playing the part of a big sister in charge of helping raise her youngest brother, Charlie.

So take heart all you adolescents. Tween desire is alive and well at Disney, just don’t get too used to watching Mendler for any more than two or three seasons, because she’s already 17, and by next year, well, she’ll be legal age, and that means more possible headaches for Disney as their “Teen Stars Go Wild” luck is bound to continue.

Senator Introduces Bill to Name February 29 National Barack Obama Day

In a move to recognize the strides America has made in electing its first African American to the highest public office in the land, Senator Shirley Wynott (D-Id) has introduced a bill that would make every February 29 “National Barack Obama Day.”

Never in the history of the United States has a standing President been honored in such a way by having a day named after him while still living and while still in office. In introducing the legislation, Ms. Wynott stated that she got the idea after hearing that President Obama was the recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize last year. “At that moment, I realized that next to Martin Luther King, Jr., Barack Obama was one of the most influential and significant black leaders of our time and believed that there was no reason to wait for his death to honor him with his own national holiday. If he could get the Nobel Peace Prize while sending troops to two wars, why couldn’t he be honored with his own national holiday just on the things he has accomplished so far?”

But why February 29? It only comes once every 4 years. Ms. Wynott indicated that she first wanted to honor Obama on the anniversary of the date he became President, January 20, 2009; however, “it was just too close to Mr. King’s memorial date of the third Monday of January. Having National Barack Obama Day on the 3rd Tuesday of every January would just be overkill, and would likely spell doom for the proposed holiday.”

So, instead of having two African American holidays back-to-back in January plus a whole other month dedicated to black history, Ms. Wynott chose a compromise. “February is National Black History Month in America. February 29 occurs only once every 4 years. To appease those who may not agree with giving Obama his own national holiday while in office, I decided they might at least allow it every so often, and what better way to celebrate the end of Black History Month?”

Ms. Wynott’s proposal so far has met with fierce opposition from members of both parties in Congress. Said one Senator, who vehemently opposes the legislation, “we already celebrate two presidents in February, Washington and Lincoln. Why the hell do we need to keep adding names? Enough is enough already.” In addition, Rush Limbaugh has dedicated the entire month of January and February to up his tirades against Obama so that if a vote is scheduled in the near future, it will be readily shot down and rightly so, in his opinion. Said Rush, “hrumph, hrumph, rumph, rumphty, rumphty, rumphty, rumph, Obama, rumphty, rumph.”

The Game Change Exchanges No One is Talking About

A thoroughly entertaining book, The Game Change, has brought to light some “wish we hadn’t said that” moments from almost everyone associated with the 2008 Presidential campaign scene. So I just couldn’t wait to get my hands on a copy to see for myself what all the hubbub was about, especially when I heard that Harry Reid, the gosh-darn nicest, I-don’t-have-a-racial-bone-in-my-body kinda guy is credited with the now infamous line spoken when he was trying to make the case that the country was ready for a black presidential candidate…and referred to Obama as a “light-skinned African American with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one. ”

And that was just the tip of the iceberg. Why even Bill Clinton “Mr. Harlem 2002” has been credited with some off-color comments such as suggesting to Teddy Kennedy that a scant few years ago, Mr. Obama would have been getting him coffee. “I’ll take mine black, please.”

After reading between the lines, I was able to find these quotes that were somehow missed by mainstream media in their haste to get the word out on the street as quickly as possible as to just how petty, stupid, moronic, egotistic, and yes, overtly racist most people associated with our government truly are when they think no one is watching:

During a stop for a Memorial Day picnic in Waterloo, Kansas, John McCain was said to be having a rare hissy fit due to a menu change that he did not approve. According to his campaign manager, it was decided that from Memorial Day forward, there would be no eating of watermelon at any of the picnics John attended. “John loved watermelon,” his publicist is quoted as saying, “but they wouldn’t let him have any because on the off chance that his photo would have been snapped with a big slice of watermelon in his hands, it would look like he was trying to parody Obama.”

The Obama campaign was having racial issues of its own when, during the time that the media was busy snapping pictures and making up mean things to say about Sarah Palin being dressed in designer duds, one of Obama’s top advisers made this comment: “they (the media) should be less concerned with Palin wearing Valentino and more concerned about those ‘tighty-whiteys’ John McCain is obviously sporting beneath his seersucker suits,” off-handedly referring to the overt whiteness of McCain’s campaign.

In addition, a source close to Congressman Jefferson “Jeff” Beauregard Sessions III (R-Al)( I am not making this name up), states that Jeff was having a particularly hard time wrapping his head around the fact that there was a good chance that a man of color with a name like Islam had a chance of making it all the way to the White House that he let slip his thoughts to no one in particular, “I’ll tell you right now, if you think that we are going to let this go much further, then you haven’t seen what we are really like when we go into high gear. We’ll be all over the Obama campaign like ‘white on rice.’” Unfortunately, no one knows who “we” are but we (that’s me) have a pretty good idea.

And finally, there was a statement that beat them all when Sarah Palin was caught early one morning chatting with the official McCain campaign laundress: “Hi, Josephine, can I call you Josie? I just wanna know there, how do you get the whites so white and the coloreds so darned bright?

Chinese Refer to Americans as Their “Dollar Store Bitches”

In a newly released book by Chinese-American Author, Pe Yuan Yu-Smith, titled “You Buy More Yankee, OK?” Americans are finally being made privy to some of the lesser known facts about the tenuous economic relationship between China and the United States.

Although his title is considered a lighthearted attempt to poke fun at some of the things the Chinese have been known to think and say about American consumers, in fact, the book discusses a darker side of how China, over the past several decades, has become the leader in supplying America with some of the most dangerous and useless products in our lifetime. And how they plan to continue doing so until 100% of every item in the American home bears the mark “Made in China.”

Getting much of his information in the back storerooms of some of China’s biggest export corporations, Yu-Smith gives us a never-before-allowed look into how Chinese manufacturers and exporters plan to eventually bring America to its Imperialistic knees through what they call, “market-cide.” Wei Hung Lo, a young Chinese man set to take the reins of the family export business, and who has a good command of the American hip-hop language, put it like this, “Americans are our Dollar Store Bitches, Y’all.” One would almost have to agree with him judging from the great holiday season dollar stores around the country had while other leading department stores suffered.

Long’s father Wei Tu Lo, has a less crude, but nonetheless equally sardonic view toward his American customers. In traditional Chinese, he explains to Yu-Smith, 我們採取愚笨的美國人的美元，因為太愚笨的美國人以至于不能知道質量。 我們有中國內閣在我們的數以萬計的家庭几年，並且不買新。 美国人買新的內閣，如果出发抓痕或腿秋天，因此我們做便宜的內閣打破容易。 美國購買更多內閣和我們得到更多金錢
Which loosely translates to: “We take stupid American’s dollar because American too stupid to know quality. We have Chinese cabinets in our family for thousands of years and do not buy new. Americans buy new cabinet if get scratch or leg fall off, so we make cheap cabinet to break easy. American buy more cabinet and we get more money.”

A chapter in Yu-Smith’s book gives us some insight into the young entrepreneurial spirit of Hung Lo, who just recently opened up a chain of low-priced, low quality hip-hop clothing stores up and down the East Coast called “Gangster Sh’up” offering throw-away clothing for a cheap price. Said Hung Lo, “we bring the sweat shop to every Gangsta Sh’up with our exclusive polyester sweat suits in every design, from Chinese wealth and greed symbols, to big-ass $$ signs in gold.”

Agreeing with his father, he states, “Everything we do relates back to money. We have found Americans to be very wasteful when it comes to buying goods and we are just one of many hundreds of companies in China taking advantage of their greed and ignorance.”

Yu-Smith takes an especially close look at the controversy surrounding countless cases of children’s play things from China found to be made with toxic substances, but still stocking the shelves of various discount dollar stores throughout America. Yu-Smith was unable to get any Chinese manufacturers to open up and tell whether or not they know the products are potentially harmful. However, he was able to ascertain that a consortium of Chinese manufacturers and importers calling itself the Shanghai Legal Alliance of Manufacturers or SLAM, has been formed to pool substantial amounts of money in an effort to offset the eventual tide of international lawsuits that these Chinese companies believe are inevitable.

In summation, Yu-Smith states, “China realized a long time ago that their strengths lie not in superior technological knowledge, but in the ability to produce mounds of cheap plastic crap that Americans seem to crave, as well as copy-cat products with such a high degree of authenticity that most gullible Americans are willing to spend money on knock-offs in the off chance that they can actually fool their friends into thinking that they are sporting a real Rolex or clutching the latest Micheal Kors creation.”

THIS JUST IN--President Obama Brings Tyra Banks to Tears

Tyra Banks demanded an apology from President Obama today for the hurt and shame he caused her when he declared publicly “Listen up Banks, the American people want their money back.” Banks was watching Fox News when she heard the President say, “My commitment is to recover every single dime the American people are owed by Banks.”

“What money?” cried a tearful Banks. “I don’t owe any money to the American people. Why would the President say such a thing and why is he going to tax me for money I don’t owe?” It was later cleared up when Obama personally called Tyra Banks and explained that it was the big banks that received a taxpayer handout last year, and not her, personally, he was chastising.

University of Alabama Alumni Seek Nickname Change from ‘Bama to ‘Bamma

A Petition has been circulating among Alumni of the University of Alabama to change the popular ‘Bama nickname to ‘Bamma due to conflicts that are arising from having a President named Obama.

The reason for this requested change, as set forth in the petition, is that the name ‘Bama when mis-pronounced by most as Bah-mah, sounds too similar to Obama. ‘Bamma, on the other hand, causes no confusion as the double ‘m’ in the middle forces people to pronounce the nickname correctly and as intended, i.e. Baa-ma.

“We don’t have any problem with the sitting President, per se,” said Lou Neebins, the author and promoter of the change. “But a bunch of us were sitting around one night after a game and every time someone said the name ‘Bama, well, I’d bristle. Not to be petty or anything, but when you don’t agree with a man’s politics but are forced to listen to his name, or a substantial part of his name at least, over and over again, well, it starts to grate on your nerves. And then there are the Alumni newsletters with ‘Bama printed practically in every paragraph. It just looks too much like Obama to a lot of us and let’s face it, we don’t need it in our faces day in and day out.

Said Neebins, “at least with ‘Bamma, we can get back to the business of cheering on our favorite sports teams without visions of a Democrat, an extremely liberal Democrat at that, dancing in our heads, and that’s all we’re trying to accomplish. Hell, as far as we know, President Obama would probably want to sign the petition as well just so he doesn’t have to go through too many more press conferences being asked questions about the latest win or loss at the University of Alabama and having to come up with an answer on the fly.”