Palin Explains Mixup in Map Displayed on SarahPAC Website

"Oh gosh, when I woke up Sunday morning, I was just horrified to see my US map with the gun sites directed at US states and names of lawmakers printed below,” claimed a somewhat contrite Sarah Palin in attempting to explain the offending map posted on her SarahPAC web page. “Someone screwed up, and when I find out who it is, they will be reprimanded,” said Sarah Palin in an official denial of any wrongdoing on her part.

When asked to explain then what the map was indicating. “Well gosh,” said Palin, “I used those there crosshair icons on a couple of maps. One was a map I used to strategize my next moose hunts in the upcoming year, and and I also used them on a map I used as a joke to show my helpers about putting our sites on the best darn Christmas sales on Black Friday.” Palin claims she has no idea how the caption came to be attached to this innocuous map and further claims that it was a joke that didn’t have such a great punch line.

“Oh, I remember now,” said Palin, appearing somewhat embarrassed, “that was going to be a calendar gift for all my friends at Christmas. The caption was supposed to be the dates and locations this year I’d be stopping in to give speeches on gun rights.” Then she added, “Someone just got their facts wrong is all. Happens all the time.”

When asked if she was willing to admit there could be a misunderstanding when seeing the map and thusly, the appropriate thing to do would be to take the map entirely off her website, innocuous or not, she replied, “Well, gosh darnit, ya know, we’ve tried that, but it just keeps reloading.”

Sarah Plain and Entourage Spotted Stocking up at the Oscars

(I know...two Palin articles in a row...my humble apologies)

Early reports out of Los Angeles have Sarah Palin mit entourage stocking up on luxury items at the pre-Oscars Gifting Suite hosted by Silver Spoon; however a Silver Spoon spokesperson says she was gracious and kind while she was taking, not grabby like some have accused.

Some eye-witnesses disagree. “It was like a scene right out of the Ten Commandments,” said Mitzi Hermozen, a well-heeled vendor handing out luxury manicure products at the suite. “I mean, I live in a penthouse on the 22nd floor, so I’ve never really seen a locust, but what I saw kind of reminded me of that movie, only these locusts could talk and they were yelling across the room saying things like “Oooh mom, momm, mommyyyeeee, come here quick, lookee, they have Beach Bandals and they’re freeeeeee! It was quite horrific actually," said Mitzi, as she patted her golden coif.

Palin and her group were, of course, in Hollywood for Sarah to appear as a guest on the Jay Leno Show, and Bristol to tape a segment for the ABC’s popular show, The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Said another attendee at the gifting event, "judging by the way Palin was dressed for the Jay Leno Show, perhaps she should have stopped by the gifting suite first for a freebie makeover…tacky, tacky, tacky."

When Sarah heard what was being said about her and her group of about 20, her response was, “Oh for heaven’s sake, you mean they put stuff out there to take and then don’t want people to take it? That sounds ridiculous to me. If we didn’t take it, someone else would—or am I missing something here?”

Said Mitzi, "I overheard her telling her kids that they were going to give everything back to charity...oh the wailing and gnashing of teeth, just horrific."

Fox News Signs Bristol Palin as Jr. Political Correspondent

Following the heels of her famous mother, Sarah Palin, Bristol Palin has reportedly been offered a Jr. Political Correspondent position at Fox News for an undisclosed salary.

Fox News would not confirm or deny the news, but instead offered this statement, “until we can confirm or deny this news, we cannot confirm or deny that Bristol Palin will be joining our news team as a Jr. Political Correspondent for the sole purpose of reporting on her mother, Sarah Palin’s, unconfirmed run for President in 2012.”