Fox News Best at Dumbing Down America

Results of a preliminary study conducted by the Institute for the Dumbing Down of America (IDDA), Fox News Group has come out way ahead of any other television network news provider as having phenomenal success in creating misinformed, less intelligent human beings over the past ten years.

According to Dr. Bo Gusfindings, “folks who have been getting their news from shows such as The Glenn Beck Show, The O’Reilly Factor, On the Record with Greta Van Susteren, and Hannity were less able to correctly answer simple third grade questions than those who got their news from alternative news sources.

One study participant, when asked if she thought global warming was a real threat stated robotically, “global warming is the biggest scam perpetuated on people.” (Points were deducted from her score for using perpetuated rather than perpetrated.) But moving on, this particular Fox News viewer then gave her reasons for why she thought global warming was a scam:

1. Right now it is so cold where I live that I can’t even go outside, and I live in Houston. Can you believe it snowed in Houston? In the winter? If snow is cold, it can’t be warm, right?

2. They say the ice at both poles is melting and making the oceans rise, but the oceans rise and fall all the time. It’s called tides.

3. Global warming people just want me to buy green products, but my favorite color is blue.

When Gusfindings was pressed as to why he thought adults who watched Fox News were becoming less intelligent, he cited several factors. “For one thing,” he said, “these viewers are being shown misinformation in the form of photos and stage props, such as blackboards and white boards, while simultaneously being told half truths and misinformation. What this does is confuse the Fox News viewer, who has to decide whether to listen to what is being told him or watch the visual aids. This type of news broadcast leads to a repressed thinking pattern caused by willing the viewer to do two things at one time.

For instance, on The Glenn Beck Show, Beck uses many visual aids to get his point across such as white boards, black boards, and giant note pads on easels. In one case, while misspelling the word “Oligarhy” on a blackboard, Beck was telling his viewing audience that America was turning into an “Oligarchy” and tying it in visually with words like ACORN Style Organization, Obama and Hidden Agenda, among others. Said Gusfindings, “this is a perfect example from which to gather our information for our studies.” After showing this particular video to the study participants, Gusfindings gave each of them a simple comprehension test to determine what they learned, and these are the results:

1. How do you spell Oligarchy? 100% answered “Oligarhy.”

2. What is a hidden agenda? 95% answered “true” that it was a practical joke played on the President by his children.

3. What is ACORN? Answers ranged from “I don’t know” to “why do they spell it with all capital letters?”

4. Who is Obama? 97% of the answers cannot be printed here, but suffice it to say that only the “N” word was spelled correctly.

In addition, Beck stages skits featuring things like dousing an actor on his show with supposed gasoline while impersonating scary things Obama might say, and then threatening to light a match to set the actor on fire. This type of subliminal thought transference leaves the viewer coming away from the images believing Obama to be a very scary and psychopathic leader who looks a lot like a white guy.

Gusfindings was asked what, if anything, can be done to reverse this unsettling trend of dumbing down America by these types of faux news channels. He had this to say, “short of tying these folks down and making them watch real news reports where a newscaster actually reports the news without injecting his or her two cents’ worth into the stories presented, and short of taking away viewers’ television sets altogether and making them actually sit down and read a newspaper, I’m afraid this trend will continue to escalate until the majority of Americans will only be able to communicate in bits and bites, and by bites, I do mean that literally.”

Glenn Beck’s Latest Book: “Mama I Spilled My Cocoa Puffs

Yet another poignant reminder that Glenn Beck was born and lived to tell about it.

In “Mama, I Spilled My Cocoa Puffs,” Beck takes his readers back to a time when all there was for breakfast was cold cereal and a glass of tap water, but it was enough to sustain him until he got lunch in the school lunch line and then dinner back home at night. “It’s a story of courage,” says Beck. “When times seemed the darkest and I got smacked upside the head for spilling a bit of my cereal on the kitchen floor, it taught me how to mop…mop up my milk, mop up the table in front of me, mop up my tears and get on the school bus.”

“A raving lunacy of a book. I laughed until I cried of laughter.” NY Post-its.
“Beck’s brilliant understanding of how his child-like mind works will help you understand how the man Beck thinks and how he doesn’t.” LA Times Two.
“Beck, what can you say about Beck?!!” Indianapolis Weekly Shopper

“I had to write this next book,” says Beck, “because there was a chapter missing in my ‘Christmas Sweater’ book. A story that begged to be told, so people everywhere can understand why my story is so dismal, so out of touch with reality, and why I am able to get up every day knowing I am telling my truths, no matter how unbelievable they are, they are still my truths, about God, country, and a woman who shaped me into who I am today, a man not afraid of crying over spilt milk.”

Although, the story is far from over, it will be repeated over and over until we can’t take any more of the torment Beck throws at us, the anguish we must feel at reading his every word until we, too, will be crying, “please, please Beck, no more, no more, please, no more.”

“A triumphant, brilliant, extraordinary cover photo!” The Madison County Picayune Times.
“Will undeniably sit atop a shelf at Borders begging to be purchased!” Reader’s Daily Reads.
“The Dr. Seuss of childhood memories.” Science Monitory Weekly Reader.

Never before has anyone written with such child-like mastery. You can almost see the crayon marks within the pages of Beck’s words, like a house with only one window, a skateboard with a wobbly tire, or a cat with only 7 lives. Beck reaches to the inner core of all of the people out there who are out of touch and wanting so much to be in touch. Never again will you spill a bit of milk, or juice, or even wine for that matter without thinking about that little klutz, Glenn Beck, and his eagerness to make his mommy proud of him again.