Might Tiger Woods Be Suffering from Performance Anxiety?

It was reported that the Friday deadline at 5 p.m. to sign up for next week’s Accenture Match Play golf event was another World Golf Championship event missed by Tiger Woods. It’s reported that he missed the entry deadline for the Dove Mountain event beginning this week as well.

This leads many to wonder if Tiger is suffering from Performance Anxiety. Thoughts of “Will I come out on top again?” “How will I measure up this time out?” and “Can I go the distance or peter out early?” may be running around in Tiger’s head. All we can tell him is that eventually, he’s gonna have to get back on that filly and ride, no matter how painful it might be for him. It just has to be done if he’s gonna get back into the game and make a go again of doing what Tiger Woods does best--play a round.

Dr. Phil Offers Free Psychological Counseling to Tiger Woods

Dr. Phil McGraw, America’s favorite unlicensed psychologist and self-proclaimed therapist to the stars, has offered to provide Tiger Woods with free psychological counseling if it will help him “get real” again.

In an interview between Dr. Phil and Tiger last week on the set of The View, Tiger agreed to be asked certain questions by Dr. Phil in public so that America could get a first-hand look at what was really happening in Tiger’s life and understand the long recovery road he has in front of him. Here are the highlights of that interview:

Dr. Phil: Hi Tiger, I understand you’re in a bit of a mess right now, is that right?

Tiger: Yes, I am.

Dr. Phil: So tell us, what made you decide to lose all that weight in the first place?

Tiger: What weight?

Dr. Phil: Right. So how are you coping with the reports that your wife may be a shopaholic?

Tiger: My wife doesn’t have a shopping problem.

Dr. Phil: Well, I think we should get to the bottom of your fear of heights. You know, it’s nothing to be ashamed of son.

Tiger: I don’t know what you are talking about. I’m not afraid of anything except maybe you.

Dr. Phil: Interesting. What we’d like to do is have you medically examined to rule out tinnitus before we say the voices in your head are all in your head.

Tiger (turning to Barbara Walters): What the hell is he talking about?

Barbara Walters: Listen to him Tiger. He is the best on television, you know. Look what he did for Britney.

Dr. Phil: When you say you think your mother is smoking pot, do you mean metaphorically speaking?

Tiger: Smoking pot? My mother smoking pot? Are you deranged?

Dr. Phil: Ok, then, it appears to me that we need to get your wife here on stage and discuss the problem you all are having this holiday season as to where you two are going to spend Christmas day. Can’t you just split your time between your parents’ home and hers?

Tiger: Ok, I think I see what you are trying to do Dr. Phil. Look, it’s working. I’m a sex addict, ok? You figured it out. Now what can you do for me?

Dr. Phil: Tiger, hiding behind that wall you’ve built around yourself and not talking about your problems is self-defeating. What can we do to get you to open up to us?

Tiger(in tears) (to Barbara): Make him stop, please Barbara, make him stop.

Barbara Walters: Dr. Phil, another amazing breakthrough. How do you do it?

Dr. Phil: Right. Let’s ask the audience. “How many here believe that latent homosexuality exists in women just as much as it does in men?”

Ashley Madison Not One of Tiger Woods’ Mistresses

If Ashley Madison is not one of Tiger Woods’ many mistresses, then who is she and what does this have to do with Tiger Woods you ask? Plenty. If you didn’t know better, you’d think that Ashley Madison was just another interior design firm, or a designer of women’s high end house dresses, or even the latest contender in ladies’ home parties like Tupperware or Pampered Chef. Right?

Well, that’s the beauty of picking a name, sort of. Noel Biderman, originator of Ashley Madison, must have had this in his head when he decided to come up with an on-line adultery business that caters to lonely housewives who are tired of the men in their lives getting all the outside action. Ashley Madison’s motto? “Life is Short—Have an Affair.” While the service can be used by either sex, it was originally targeted toward the love-starved women who go online while their husbands are working late for the 4th night a week, and just need someone to listen, and to hold and to, well, you get the picture.

Imagine the conversation when hubby gets home.

Hubby: Hi Hon, I’m home.

Cheating Wife: Oh hi hon, dinner’s in the oven.

Hubby goes upstairs to give cheating wife a peck on the cheek and ask what’s she’s been up to.

Cheating Wife: Oh, you know, the usual, shopping on the net.

Hubby: Anything interesting?

Cheating, Lying Wife: Yeah, I’ve been looking around on Ashley Madison again.

Husband (chuckling): Oh dear, not another dreadful floral print for the living room I hope!

Cheating Wife (chuckling back): You caught me!

The Ashley Madison website business is designed to hook married people up with other married or single people who just want a little sextra fun and excitement in their lives. According to Biderman, ”it’s what most married people do anyway, so why not turn a quick buck on it?” Happily married himself, Biderman claims he is offering a valuable service to mankind and likens himself to great humanitarians like Hugh Heffner, Heidi Fleiss, and others who are not ashamed to offer an avenue for the unfaithful to get as much nookie as they can in the short time they are on this earth.

Although the service is offered to either sex, imagine the conversation of a husband and wife where the husband is caught skipping through the Ashley Madison offerings:

Wife: Hi, honey, I see you’re home early tonight. What’s so interesting on the computer?

Cheating Husband: Just on the Ashley Madison site.

Wife: Why you no good, so and so. Who the hell is Ashley Madison?

See? It just doesn’t work out too well for the guys. So Biderman, taking a cue from the latest Tiger Woods clusterfu*k scandal, has opened another website geared toward cheating husbands called “Discount Golf Supplies.” Now, when a man wants to cheat on his wife, he doesn’t have to take the chance of being accused of cheating with a woman named Ashley Madison. Instead the conversation is going to go a lot more smoothly:

Wife: Hi honey, I see you’re home early tonight.

Cheating Husband: Yeah, boss gave me a break tonight.

Wife (goes upstairs to give husband a peck on the cheek): Whatcha doin?

Cheating, Lying Husband: Oh just looking around on my favorite site “Discount Golf Supplies.”

Wife: Oh that’s great dear, I know how much you love your golf. Have you decided yet on a partner to play with on Saturday?

Cheating Husband (with a smile): Not yet, dear, but I’m sure working on it.

How pleasant is that? And if Tiger had been a member of Discount Golf Supplies, when he got e-mails back confirming his order, or even pings on his phone, Elin would never have been the wiser. With member names like RU-Red-E, Cobra Xtra Long, Hole-N-1, and Deep Slice SX400, the only thing a loving wife might have to complain about is her husband spending too much money buying golfing equipment and too much time shagging golf balls.

When CNN Prime News correspondent, Mike Galanos, asked Biderman how he can sleep at night, Biderman responded “with whom?”