Sarah Palin Wants in on ‘Jesus Rifle’ Action

Upon hearing that Michigan defense contractor, Trijicon, has been supplying the US military with rifle sights inscribed with New Testament Bible passage references on them, Sarah Palin immediately called the company’s headquarter offices to try and pull some strings to get a few of the rifle sights for her own hunting rifles.

Trijicon’s public relations manager hinted that Palin called their corporate offices not long after reading this story on DefenseConDaily.com and asked if she could get in on the action. “She was like ‘sure, so doya think I might get me some of them rifle sights that you all are making for our troops in Iraq?’” She reportedly offered free signed copies of her book Going Rogue to sweeten the pot.

Never mind that many high-ranking members of the military believe that knowingly using rifle scopes that are engraved with coded references to Bible verses is not only inappropriate but also considered a direct violation of federal laws that call for separation of church and state, constitutional issues have never really been high on Sarah Palin’s list of things to be worried about.

The particular verse reference Sarah was initially interesting in having engraved on her rifle scopes is the ever popular John 11:25-26, which reads, "I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die."

We can only assume that in a military sense, this would refer to the US soldiers who are doing the killing in the name of freedom and not the Iraqi and Afghani insurgents and any other Islamics being shot, who, we've been led to believe by Pat Robertson, do not fall under the realm of protection afforded by Christian Bible verses.

But, since the above verse has little to do with hunting bear and other critters in the Alaskan wilderness, Trijicon redirected Sarah’s sights (no pun intended) on one of the most quoted verses of the Bible when hunters are taken to task for hunting, i.e. Genesis 1:28 which reads in part: “…and God said unto them…have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”

Here’s the big whoops!, though. Seems if those holy hunters would have held off long enough on the jubilation over God giving them the green light to kill critters and read just one more verse, Genesis 1:29, which states, “And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat,” they’d have literally had a cow. Seems, in the beginning, God had intended for us to be…gasp…vegans!

Dang, right there is proof that God has quite the sense of humor, “… the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away…” Job 1:21.

Vegetarianism Taking Over

Vegetarianism is expected to increase within the next few years due to recent viral outbreaks linked to the consumption of meat. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), we could see a “perfect storm” of contagious diseases as outbreaks of the avian flu (poultry), mad cow disease (beef), swine flu (pork) and salmonella (fish) are all expected to occur within the same time frame sometime within the next two years.

There has already been an increase in toilet sales in anticipation of the mega-outbreak. Some families are urged to turn extra home space into multiple stall bathrooms as family members prepare for the effects of the flu as well as the effects that will come from the changeover from meat to roughage.

Not to be confused with commodes, the commodities market is expected to soar as foods such as corn, broccoli, and soybeans make their way to the top of everyone’s grocery list.
It is expected that nearly half the world’s arable land will be planted with these 3 major vegetables to be used both as a food source and as an alternative energy source.

President Obama welcomed the news stating “we were hoping that something would come along to help put plumbers and farmers back to work, and this is just the break we need to get this economy back on track.”