Jesus Upstaged in Easter Mass by Cardinal Defending Pope

For the first time in Roman Catholic history, Easter Mass was not about Jesus’ resurrection but about the Pope being a great leader of the Catholic Church in spite of many claims of sexual abuse by priests all over the world and the Pope’s inefficient handling of the scandal.

Said one cardinal, “sometimes it’s about more than Jesus. It’s about how the Church can handle a scandal and this Pope is doing a great job of it.” People there to hear a message of how Jesus died on the cross for their sins, were first treated to cries of “Benny, Benny, he’s our man, if he can’t do it, no one can.”

Said one of the faithful in attendance, “thank goodness we have clergy who can turn the bleak into the positive and get us believing in the Church again. Finally, a day where we weren’t reminded of how awfully some of our priests have behaved towards the young, but how great our Pope is and how much we owe to his ability to keep the Church from falling into disharmony. Long live Pope Benedict!”

The cardinals in attendance were in agreement. “Easter could not have come at a better time, when people are in the mood to forgive just like Jesus died to have our sins forgiven. Absolutely perfect, perfect timing,” said one.

New Old Age Replacing New Age as New Age-Old Age

In the blink of an eye, the New Age will be over, and the New Old Age will take over.  Sources close to the divine greatness himself known only as a whisper have confirmed that before the end of the second decade of 2000, the world, as we know it, will be changed forever. 

This gives us little time to figure out how the New Old Age thing is going to work or if we are even going to be taking part in it. For the time being, many questions abound such as: Will the New Old Age be in any way similar to the New Age? Is it a new belief system based on old teachings or, is it an old belief system based on old teachings or, is it a new belief system based on new teachings of an old nature? Why is it called New if it is Old?

Initial whisperings indicates that New Old Age just is, and makes perfectly clear that it is not a belief system in the current understanding, but something that will replace all the earthly belief systems as simply an age.

Said one early follower: “This truly is unbelievable, when you start to understand and follow it.”

In secret settlements being erected in caves somewhere deep in the mountains of Peru, new beings known as New Old Age Heralds or (NOAH’s) are busy channeling new beings into being. When the time comes, the means to do this will be taught to everyone on the planet who survives the New Old Age conversion. For the time being though, these beings are being kept in complete secrecy.