More Letters from Summer Camp

Just like the little ones, summer camp exists for tweens too. Here is a sampling of a couple of letters the tweens have written home to earn their “composition” badges.

Dear Kate (haha Mom),

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Did you know that Camp Swanomee is a boy/girl camp? I didn’t either, but hey, too late now, huh? I am having so much fun, I may not want to come home (OMG, LOL).

Me and some kid named Billy Jo McAllister are becoming really good friends. The counselors are saying we are maybe a little bit too friendly. I know you know what I mean mommy, cause that’s the way you are with your boyfriend, Teddy. Love is grand, isn’t it? Who knew I’d find true love at age 13? Now we finally have something in common.

Anyway, I have to go. We are having a film tomorrow on sex education. Wow, who would have thought summer camp would be so fun and so educational too? By the way, since I’m all grown up now, can I call you by your first name? I like it better than mom.

Have fun in Vegas with Teddy, wink wink.

Love,

Serena

Dear Mom,

You tricked me. This isn’t computer camp at all. It is a camp for fatties. Oh yeah, they want me to call it a fitness camp, my big fat hairy mistake! I’m being told already that I have an attitude. Gee, I wonder why? Could it be the fact that I haven’t had a ding dong for 3 days now?!!! That my diet consists of seaweed and tofu wieners? That instead of playing “Lair of the Dead Zombies” on my computer in my bedroom for the entire summer vacation, I’m doing push ups? Outdoors? Outdoorzzzzzuh?

Oh, I’m sure you and dad are having quite the laugh over this while you polish off a whole cheesecake apiece. That’s ok, just remember, paybacks are heck. In addition to the physical activities, we also have to attend counseling sessions. You should be expecting a knock on the door any day now from Children Protective Services.

Where’s the love now?

Vinny

Letters from Summer Camp

Hi Mommy,

Greetings from Camp Wigwam. Did you know how dangris this camp was befor you sent me her?

Timmy my bunk buddey got bit my a snake today but dont worey, he aint dying or nothin.

Tomorrow we get to go rock climbing at the gorge. I know you aint religos, but plese say a prayer, ok?

In case I cant say it later, I love you a lot, mom, and don’t worey, I aint that scared.

Yur son,

Billy

p.s. plese send me my Spiderman band-aids, plese.

*****

Dear mommy,

I need you to answer me right back on this. What is a lesbeen? Molly says it is two ladies kissing and hugging like we saw our camp counselors, Marty and Jobeth doing in the woods yesterday.

Tomorrow they are having camp races contests and I have to hold Molly’s hand and hug her so we can win in the sack races. Does that make us lesbeens?

I am so confused now.

Signed,

Alex, your daughter still, so don’t wory yet, just please write back before tomorrow.

p.s. In case lesbeen means what Molly says, don’t show this to daddy. He will freak out.

*****

Dear Mrs. Washburton,

Please come at once to pick up your son, Harold. While we encourage the children to find their inner as well as outer strengths here at Camp Gitcheegoomee, Harold has taken this to the extreme. To him, inner strength seems to mean how much gas he can build up through eating copious amounts of baked beans and washing them down with a 2-litre bottle of soda, and then holding a “burpin/fart fest” as he calls it for his bunk mates after lights out.

We tried to work with him, but several of our counselors have become quite ill after spending the night in his cabin, and we’ve had to cancel a few activities due to being short-staffed. While we think the world of Harold, he just doesn’t seem to be fitting in as we would have liked.

Our sincerest apologies to you, Mrs. Washburton, as we understand from Harold that he has learned this unusual behavior from Mr. Washburton, who holds these contests quite regularly in your home.

Best Wishes,

Cordette Wood, Camp Administrator

Camp Gitcheegoomee