6-Year Old Somalian Girl Given Permission to Sail Solo Around the World

A six-year old Somalian girl has been given permission by the Somalian government to sail solo around the world in a 46-foot yacht commandeered by her father in a pirate raid off the coast of Somali earlier this year. The father/ daughter pair have been training for this solo adventure since March.

When Abdul Omar Khalid got word that American 16-year old Abby Sunderland was setting out early in 2010 to sail solo around the world, he became enraged. He wondered why it always had to be someone from a developed country who got all the fame and glory. He knew it was only a matter of time before some other teenage girl would try the same trip and he knew he had to act fast.

Although, he was planning on having his daughter wait until January of next year to begin her trip when she’d then be 7 years old, news about a French 16-year old girl setting sail within two weeks pushed him to pick up the pace and put his daughter to the task a bit ahead of schedule.

Although Khalid has several sons who are older than his 6-year old daughter, Awa, he believes that his young daughter is his only chance to make a real name for himself, so he set about the task of pirating a luxury yacht and using it to train little Awa on.

Awa is set to take off from the coast of Somalia on Saturday and if all goes well, she will have circumnavigated the globe in record time. “By this time next year,” said Khalid, “the name Khalid will be a household name the world over.”

Bad Poetry at its Best

Thought it would be fun to try my hand at writing some really bad poetry. Here's my first offering. Depending on how it is received, I may write more. Seems writing poor prose is another of my many talents:

Oh for the lackluster spankings of my youth for which no switch was

waiting for me yet ‘twas I who pluct it from the tree to swiftly gain approval 

from my father’s ever vigilance to teach me my place in life.

And tho the sting of nettles was not sweeter than the sound of my own tears

trickling down my cheek as I layeth in bed sobbing of my wretched self

pondering not to know my fate as adulthood lie just beyond my grasp.

Then I would be taught again and again but nay I never learned and now

I sit upon this sheetless cot in a cell as barren as my mother after birth of

her only child, the one who put her husband to his early grave.

Two Miracles in One Week at London Hospital

An amazing story broke this week out of London that has the world and most doctors scratching their heads. A black Nigerian couple, Ben and Angela Ihagboro, living in London announced the birth of their child--a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, white baby girl! Doctors say odds of this happening are phenomenally high. Because the child wasn’t born with pink eyes and incredibly sensitive skin, they are puzzled over the fact that this is not your ordinary albino birth.

The proud parents claim that they are definitely the parents of the child, and although they can’t explain how this happened, they are reported as saying “we don’t care what the baby looks like, as long as she’s healthy.” Good attitude to have. We hope that attitude is felt by the parents of the second miracle baby to be born in the same city in the same hospital as the first at almost the precisely same time on the very same day.

Reports coming out of London just three days after the announcement of the Ihagboro baby indicate that a white Scandinavian couple, also living in London, Sven and Ingrid Ingellsson, have given birth to a black-haired, dark-skinned baby boy. “What are the odds?” said the doctor who certified that the baby was, indeed, the Ingellssons’.

Both babies are fine and the families are adjusting quite well. While some nurses have suggested that since the babies are only days old, perhaps the couples might want to consider trading them in order to match better, but the couples, both of which are extremely religious, have decided to keep the child they have birthed. Said Angela Ihagboro, “God does work in mysterious ways.”

Copper Stills and Mash Making Comeback

No, that isn’t a play on the name of one of the best-known folk rock groups of all time, Crosby, Stills and Nash, and sometimes Young. It is, instead, a crafty title for this little story about how a whole new generation of moonshine makers is keeping law enforcement officials hopping across America.

Young twenty-something entrepreneurs are discovering the joy of making their own moonshine, and they are coming up with some really unique ideas for the stuff. Brand new copper stills can be bought over the internet, and they come with complete instructions on how to whip up a batch of “white dog,” as it is now commonly referred to, safely and quickly, unlike back in the day when stills blew up and the liquid being produced was said to cause blindness in many who drank it.

From bathtubs in trendy NY SoHo lofts to kitchens in the mansions of young Los Angeles socialites, a new “hillbilly” is emerging to make their own brand of brandy and other spirits. From Vanity Vodka to Ritzy Rum, the ATF has its hands full trying to track down the scofflaws and bring them to justice.

One would immediately think the reason for the crackdown is to protect not only of the lives of the people who are making the stuff but also the lives of those who live close by in case of an explosion of the designer stills. It’s not. These stills are being sought out and taken down for one reason only, because the privately distilled liquor is being sold and consumed on the black market circumventing the United States tax system. The designer distillers are cheating the IRS out of millions of dollars in tax revenues.

Damn, those evil revenuers. Here we go again.

More Letters from Summer Camp

Just like the little ones, summer camp exists for tweens too. Here is a sampling of a couple of letters the tweens have written home to earn their “composition” badges.

Dear Kate (haha Mom),

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Did you know that Camp Swanomee is a boy/girl camp? I didn’t either, but hey, too late now, huh? I am having so much fun, I may not want to come home (OMG, LOL).

Me and some kid named Billy Jo McAllister are becoming really good friends. The counselors are saying we are maybe a little bit too friendly. I know you know what I mean mommy, cause that’s the way you are with your boyfriend, Teddy. Love is grand, isn’t it? Who knew I’d find true love at age 13? Now we finally have something in common.

Anyway, I have to go. We are having a film tomorrow on sex education. Wow, who would have thought summer camp would be so fun and so educational too? By the way, since I’m all grown up now, can I call you by your first name? I like it better than mom.

Have fun in Vegas with Teddy, wink wink.

Love,

Serena

Dear Mom,

You tricked me. This isn’t computer camp at all. It is a camp for fatties. Oh yeah, they want me to call it a fitness camp, my big fat hairy mistake! I’m being told already that I have an attitude. Gee, I wonder why? Could it be the fact that I haven’t had a ding dong for 3 days now?!!! That my diet consists of seaweed and tofu wieners? That instead of playing “Lair of the Dead Zombies” on my computer in my bedroom for the entire summer vacation, I’m doing push ups? Outdoors? Outdoorzzzzzuh?

Oh, I’m sure you and dad are having quite the laugh over this while you polish off a whole cheesecake apiece. That’s ok, just remember, paybacks are heck. In addition to the physical activities, we also have to attend counseling sessions. You should be expecting a knock on the door any day now from Children Protective Services.

Where’s the love now?

Vinny

You May Not Know Alvin Greene Now, But After Reading This You Will

It’s been over a month since virtual unknown Alvin Green from South Carolina became the Democratic candidate to run against incumbent Republican, Jim DeMint for a United States Senate seat in November. As some background, he’s the 32-year old unemployed Army vet, black (although that’s really not the issue except that it is, after all, South Carolina) who mysteriously came up with the $10000 it takes to get your name on the ballot for senator, and ended up winning the Democratic primary in a landslide over someone who was a bit better known.

Up until now, Greene has said little, has not given any lengthy interviews and has only uttered a few public words. But now, little by little, the coaching he’s been receiving day and night is finally taking hold, and he is finally able to impart a semi-coherent message to those who believe he has an ice dealer’s chance in hell of unseating DeMint in November.

This past weekend, Greene gave a short speech at the monthly meeting of the local NAACP in Manning, South Carolina, his hometown. The event was standing room only. In addition, just one week earlier, Greene agreed to answer some questions from an AOL reporter. Here is a digest of the questions and answers with a bit of the speech sprinkled in:

“Hi, I’m Alvin Greene, and although I don’t have a clue how I got here, what I’m supposed to be doing here, or how long I’m gonna be here, I just want to say South Carolina needs jobs.”

The crowd went crazy for him. He outlined his plans to create jobs by saying he was going to ask the South Carolina legislature to pass a bill that says everyone has to have a job regardless of whether or not they get paid. He then said something incoherent, incoherent, incoherent, bobbleheads.

In the AOL interview, Greene was asked these questions:

Reporter: If President Obama couldn’t be President, who do you think should be President?

Greene: Obama

Reporter: No. Let’s try that again. If President Obama couldn’t—could not—be President, who do you think should be President?

Greene: Oh. Could not, you mean because he’s black, right?

Reporter: Ok, moving on. What is your favorite color?

Greene: Oh, thatsa easy one. Blue.

Reporter: Do you think Jim DeMint is gay?

Greene: I think I’ll say yes?

Reporter: That was a trick question. Sorry. The answer is no.

So, with what we have to go on so far as to who Alvin Greene is and what he stands for, it seems fair to say that he has as much chance as any of the other folks running for Senate. He is a warm body and he can speak, albeit not well, but hey, there is a female candidate out there said to thinking about running for the highest office in the country come 2012, and we haven’t gotten much more than this out of her yet, either. Goes to show you, it’s anybody’s game.

Letters from Summer Camp

Hi Mommy,

Greetings from Camp Wigwam. Did you know how dangris this camp was befor you sent me her?

Timmy my bunk buddey got bit my a snake today but dont worey, he aint dying or nothin.

Tomorrow we get to go rock climbing at the gorge. I know you aint religos, but plese say a prayer, ok?

In case I cant say it later, I love you a lot, mom, and don’t worey, I aint that scared.

Yur son,

Billy

p.s. plese send me my Spiderman band-aids, plese.

*****

Dear mommy,

I need you to answer me right back on this. What is a lesbeen? Molly says it is two ladies kissing and hugging like we saw our camp counselors, Marty and Jobeth doing in the woods yesterday.

Tomorrow they are having camp races contests and I have to hold Molly’s hand and hug her so we can win in the sack races. Does that make us lesbeens?

I am so confused now.

Signed,

Alex, your daughter still, so don’t wory yet, just please write back before tomorrow.

p.s. In case lesbeen means what Molly says, don’t show this to daddy. He will freak out.

*****

Dear Mrs. Washburton,

Please come at once to pick up your son, Harold. While we encourage the children to find their inner as well as outer strengths here at Camp Gitcheegoomee, Harold has taken this to the extreme. To him, inner strength seems to mean how much gas he can build up through eating copious amounts of baked beans and washing them down with a 2-litre bottle of soda, and then holding a “burpin/fart fest” as he calls it for his bunk mates after lights out.

We tried to work with him, but several of our counselors have become quite ill after spending the night in his cabin, and we’ve had to cancel a few activities due to being short-staffed. While we think the world of Harold, he just doesn’t seem to be fitting in as we would have liked.

Our sincerest apologies to you, Mrs. Washburton, as we understand from Harold that he has learned this unusual behavior from Mr. Washburton, who holds these contests quite regularly in your home.

Best Wishes,

Cordette Wood, Camp Administrator

Camp Gitcheegoomee