This Friday the 13th Predicted to Be Astronomical Doozy

Several astronomers are coming right out and telling people to be extra careful this Friday the 13^th due to the fact that in addition to the 13^th falling on a Friday this month, another more sinister event will be happening in the skies that night—a triple conjunction with the moon lining up with Venus, Mars and Saturn all in close proximity that night. Also known as the “smiley face” effect, the occurrence is rare but has always been associated with significant happenings in history.

Triple conjunctions have occurred on significant dates in history such as the birth of Jesus Christ and the fall of the city of Constantinople, not to mention the date that Wal-Mart opened its first store—hence the smiley face logo.

In modern times, some conspiracy theorists believe the illuminati seize the opportunity to plan devastating world events when these three planets all come within close proximity to each other and the sliver of moon.

It is because of the triple conjunction that this particular Friday the 13^th is considered by some to be another doomsday date to be wary of. But that’s not all, consider this. The Perseid meteor showers are set to give an exceptional show, with the peak viewing time from the night of the 12^th into the early morning hours of the 13^th. That’s meteors folks. Although none have come close enough to the earth to cause any problems in the past, the fact that they are happening the same time as the triple conjunction does sound an alarm for some. If you’ve never seen the movie “Armageddon,” you may want to pick up a copy and watch it tonight while there’s still time to plan.

We wouldn’t suggest you go hiding under your covers just yet though. Unless you see news stories such as Sarah Palin applauding Barack Obama’s efforts in making health care affordable and available to all Americans, Rush Limbaugh admitting to his listeners that he is indeed a progressive liberal and he’s lost 50 pounds on the new Slim-Fast Diet, or Bill Clinton swearing off extra-marital affairs, you can just chalk this Friday the 13^th up as another false alarm.

All Hell’s Gonna Break Loose on July 11 According to Astrologers and Doomsayers

Doomsayers the world over will be looking to the heavens on July 11 as one of the first seriously meaningful harbingers of the really, really, really awful things to come within the next two years leading up to the Apocalypse.

The event is a total solar eclipse and it's expected to be a doozy, affecting many world-wide events. Some are saying the fact that the eclipse can only be seen over a small portion of the South Pacific and portions of southern South America, especially Easter Island, means that the effects will be much stronger than ordinary solar eclipses that span a wider geographical area.

"Easter Island is a known hang out for celestial beings and those celestial beings are hitting the trumpets pretty hard for this eclipse," said Merle Nerdenuts, Pastor of the Head's Up Ecclesiastical Church of the Holy Spectacle in San Jomato, California, who has been following the second coming of Christ since he was 4 years old. 

"By celestial beings, I mean God's messengers of course, the same ones who built those big-headed statues on the island and who make all those crop circles in farm fields all over the world. They've always been big on leaving signs for us humans to try and figure out."

Signs from mother nature, as well, leading up to the eclipse are lending some credence to what Nerdenuts says. One large nursery owner from Plainville, Texas claims that the cicadas (locusts) are awful this year.

"I got locust carcasses all over my plants and young trees. They done wiped out my dogwood and magnolias and are going for the Texas laurels," said Hal Plimpton of Plimpton's Plainville Plants. "The Farmer's Almanac don't predict a heavy infestation this year, but that don't mean they're right all the time. Just lookin' at my plants, I can tell ya, this is a bad, bad sign."

Nerdenuts was asked if he was going to travel down to Easter Island to view the total solar eclipse first hand.

"Hell no," he said. "I ain't gonna go near that place. It is going to be a zoo with all those astronomers setting up shop and them new age wannabes with their mobile pyramids and what not. Nope, I'm stayin' home and watching the World Cup final match. People will become instant believers in the supernatural when they see the Netherlands win a World Cup, I guarantee you that."