Rick Perry Takes Break from Campaign Trail to Visit Texas

You Shoulda Seen the One that Got Away

Texas Governor Rick Perry hasn’t been home much lately. He’s out on the campaign trail trying to garner support for his presidential campaign that has, quite frankly, been derailed by Herman Cain, Mitt Romney and Michele Bachmann. But he’s hopeful and therefore ever vigilant in his fight to become the next nation’s leader.

But even presidential hopefuls need a break and that’s what brings Perry back to his home state. When asked what will be on his agenda once he gets back to his office, Perry replied “Oh goodness no, I have people to staff my office. They’ll be fine, so will Texas as a whole. Nope, I’m celebrating…goin’ fishin,’” said a smiling Perry.

“But what about the wildfire situation in Bastrop,” asked one reporter. “Oh, FEMA’s handling that,” Perry replied. “No, the NEW fire in Bastrop,” pressed the reporter.

“What, you mean there’s another daggone fire in that same place? Boy, those Bastrop people sure don’t have that Texas luck, do they?”

Perry then ended the conference by telling everyone that he preferred bass fishing to fly fishing. “It’s something about casting that lure and just waiting for a big ole’ fish to snap it up,” Perry said.

“Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don’t. It’s just a big old waiting game,” he added as he hurried off in his private jet to give one last speech to the folks in New Jersey.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie Makes Huge Announcement

“I’ve given it much consideration,” said New Jersey Governor Chris Christie at an impromptu news conference called late Monday afternoon at the New Jersey diner where Christie is a regular customer. “I know that this decision will have a major impact on my wife Mary Pat, as well as my children, and so what I am about to tell you comes from my having spent hours upon hours upon hours spent in deep thought and reflection and it is a decision I do not take lightly.

With baited breath, the audience waited to hear those magical words, that Christie has decided to run for President.

“My fellow Americans, I am here today to announce to you my decision to choose a Weight Watcher’s diet over Atkins. My reasons for doing so…” but the crowd stood in silence. “You mean you’re freakin’ gonna finally go on a diet?” yelled someone from the back of the crowd.

“Yes,” replied Christie, puffing his chest out a bit more, so proud of himself and his decision. “Oh, and by the way, for the hundredth time folks, I am NOT running for President.”